Car Probs, Responding to Your Comments

As I said yesterday, I went an entire week without having anything interesting to write about, unless you wanted to hear about how the gang went out Saturday night and Lauren beat me in foosball and bowling. Or how the Beagle Brigade got beat 12-7 Monday in softball despite turning two double plays. Or me actually being buried in work at work for a change!

But then today came along and something interesting happened. I was on break at work, just pissing around Chanhassen as I usually do, and swung by Cub Foods to pick up some more frozen meals for the week. After paying and coming back out to the car, I was dismayed to turn the key and hear tic-tic-tic-tic-tic… the car wasn’t starting and this was a noise I was unfamiliar with. As I have done so often in the past, my first instinct before doing anything else was to call home to see what Dad and/or Alex, the mechanics of the family, had to say. It was decided a jump would probably get me going, so I flagged down the first guy I saw and we hooked up the jumper cables. After five minutes, nothing. The man had to leave, but suggested if I could find someone to sit there for a half hour the car could probably be jumped. But who’s sitting around all day with nothing to do? Matt Poulter!

So Matt came and met me and we tried jumping my car again. We sat around for 20 minutes and still nothing. It was clear the battery was shot. Matt dropped me off at Tires Plus, where I hoped someone would be able to walk the 1/8th of a mile over with me and fix my car, but they would only recommend a towing service. That’s when I got the bright idea to push the car over to Tires Plus, so I called Matt back. Being the voice of reason, Matt decided perhaps removing the battery ourselves was the best choice. Of course I had just cleaned all the tools out of my car, so I walked over to Ace Hardware and bought all the tools Alex recommended, totalling $78, the price it would have cost to have my car towed! Again, Matt being the voice of reason, suggested I return the tools as he had a random variety of tools in his car.

Now mind you, I had already been gone from work for two hours and the sun was beating down with temps in the 90s. We were both dripping sweat as we worked to free the battery from my car, which was buried under some electrical components, a hose of some sort, and a big metal bar. We took the battery over to Tires Plus, bought a new one, came back, and installed the new one which again was fairly difficult to do. But lo and behold the car fired right up and I was on my way. I thanked Matt and backed out of my parking spot, only to realize I was driving with the trunk popped open and the hood left up. But soon I had returned to work, very dirty, sweaty, thirsty, and tired, and decided to rub my dirty hands all over my sweaty face so someone might see how disheveled I was so I could tell the story, but no one did. Thanks Matt for the assistance! It was quite the adventure.

Anyway… back to the topics you suggested. It is already 11:23 and I can’t get to the lengthy questions everyone submitted, but I will answer some tonight and save the rest for later.

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Lauren had the following to say: Write about my Droid X and how beautiful it is!!! and how you totally relate to that one commercial where the husband gets a cool new smartphone and the wife feels ignored. 🙂

It is true. After waiting over four years, Lauren was able to switch in her once-cool Motorola Krzr for the hottest new toy on the market, the Droid X. This coincided with Lauren finally leaving her family phone plan and joining my plan. I must say her Droid is pretty dang cool and she hasn’t even started downloading any fun apps yet. On the drive home from the Poulters’ last night, she totally spaced out and played with her toy. And then she played with it some more when we got home. And then she woke up early this morning and played with it. So yes, I guess I can relate to that commercial! Someday maybe I’ll be lucky enough to get (afford) one and I can return the favor!

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Bryan had this to say: write about how the twins are getting their asses kicked again by the indians!!! >:|

I am as angry as anyone about the Twins inabilities to handle weaker opponents. Joe Mauer bunting in the 7th inning with one out and the go-ahead run at second? That was a pretty dumb play, let alone from a 3-time batting champ making $184M. Maybe Punto can try that and no one says anything, but not Mauer. I doubt the team will appease the fans and trade for a quality starting pitcher before the deadline July 31, but it sure would be nice.

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Someone who didn’t leave their contact info left this massive response. I will address each question one at a time. But for the future, no anonymous responses like this will be acknowledged!

Hey man, there is a few things I would like hear discussed in rhyme form. I would like to hear about Hunter and Fred Dryer and how underrated of a cop show it was.

Surprisingly I’ve never heard of this show. Now you know. What do the search engines show?

I want to hear about how sand worms and how they are a metaphor for phallus.

No you don’t. But they are really sandy, not unlike Nick Sandbulte.

I want to hear about you killed both Tupac and Biggy over an argument that the three of you had of how many seasons of Charles in charge there were.

I told you, that’s a story I will only tell at parties. Anything in writing just incriminates me.

I want to hear about the flat earth society.

They are a bunch of no-good-doers from the east who meet once in a while to debate the earth’s shape and though they have been proven wrong many times they kind of like the attention they get.

I want to hear about Chick-fil-A exits food courts and malls everywhere to stand alone stores.

Ask Eric G., he seems to know about that kind of thing.

I want to hear about putting cocaine on crest white strips because it makes your teeth extra sparkly.

I heard a local beagle tried that and it nearly killed him, but his teeth seem to be in good shape.

I want to hear about how every indie rock girl has a Polaroid camera thinks she is a effing photographer.

Not aware of this conspiracy but if it’s true you are on to something.

I want to hear about Dr. Bronner’s soap.

I don’t know who you are but your questions are way above my head in a way that I don’t even know how to respond. Who is Dr. Bonner?

I want to hear about Eli Wallach gun in The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

No, it’s past your bedtime.

I want to hear about a Wilhelm scream vs a Primal scream, not the 2 bands, I want to hear about the actual screams.

Really what do these things mean? I haven’t understood the last five questions.

And lastly, I want to hear about Custer’s Last Stand, the video game for the Atari 2600.

I have also never heard of this before, but if it was based in South Dakota I bet it was really good.

Oh and one more thing, I want to hear about how, no matter what, no matter where I am doing, no matter who I’m effing, no matter what kind of car I’m driving, no matter how much money I have in the bank, I want to hear how about the only thing that makes me feel good is when I’m on the internet yelling at people, why is that? what is wrong with me? did I get not get enough attention as a children, maybe I just wasn’t breastfeed.

Yelling at people online probably makes you feel good because you are too afraid to do it in real life. There is probably something wrong with you in more than just that one way.

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