December 16, 2006 | Ryan interviews Kyla Madsen

Hello Kyla, how are you today?
My nose is a little stuffy and I’m hungry.

Where are you these days, and what are you doing for a living?
I live in Yankton. I am the licensing and adoption social worker for the Department of Social Services. I cover seven or eight counties in the southeastern part of the state. I recruit, train and license foster parents and do adoptions.

I heard all about your trip to Chicago with your mother. Was the trip a total success?
We had a good time. It was too cold for me to enjoy myself totally and I opted against bringing a warm winter coat. But we didn’t get into very many fights at all and we spent a lot of money so that is good. I got to catch up with one of my friends from college who lives there now. The architecture was beautiful, the people were all so nice and we got a personalized tour from our cabby. He took us through the ghetto and through the mansions. I would have liked more time to see the art and the cultural museums. We did make it the Wrigley Museum, but that wasn’t enough. I want to go back in the early fall or late summer and just walk around.

With 2006 quickly coming to a close, what would you say was the highlight of the year for you?
Highlight would have to be…….all the vacations I took (Toas, Orlando and Chicago) or maybe when my boyfriend decided I wasn’t a whore.

Facebook indicated that things are now hot and heavy between you and a young man. What can you tell us about this gentleman and how did you meet him?
mm…well first, facebook lies. Mathew Termansen is not my boyfriend. He is only a good friend that I have known for several years. But I do have a boyfriend. His name is Jeff Culhane. He works for a radio station in town. He calls Yankton and area high school bb and fb games. He also does the USD bb and fb. He’s from Mitchell originally, but we met in Nov 2005 at a bar through another friend but we started to get hot and heavy because we both live in the same apt building. Too convenient for words. I left a note on his door one day that said “Number 10, I have a proposition for you. Come over, Number 8.” At the time I didn’t realize how suggestive it was, I just wanted him to put together my new computer desk for me. But we’ve been together since then with only one tiny mishap….which sparked the whole “whore” thing. But that is cleared up now.

Have you ever realized what an impact you’ve had on my life? I would never have come to the Twin Cities had you not encouraged me to work at Valleyfair with you in that summer of 2002, and here I am today, almost five years later, still working and living happily here in the suburbs of Minneapolis.
I’ve actually thought about that several times. I talk about you more than you probably realize to my friends here. I would go on for hours about your quotes on your website. HILARIOUS. Kinda funny how it turned out-that I hated it and you became the czar of the twin cities.

How would you best sum up your one summer at Valleyfair?
Where the F did I get that idea?

We are two of the very few who can call Carpenter, South Dakota home. Are you proud to be part of such an exclusive group?
Duh, I still tell ppl that I am from Carpenter SD and try to explain exactly where it is to them. No one gets it. I’m surprised I never hanged myself from boredom growing up, but I wouldn’t have wanted to grow up anywhere else and I still love to go back and just look around. I think it’s gorgeous. I’m getting old, lame and sentimental.

What might we find you doing after a hard day’s work?
Facebooking, dishes, making dinner, poking Jeff, and watching Letterman….in that order.

Do you have a funny work-related story to share with us? Maybe one that involves someone falling down or something?

Um, I fell down. It was last spring. I had heels on of course….walking down our back stairs at work and I actually slipped a little and fell over my feet. My feet stayed on the stair and I slid down on my ankles and then knees. It hurt SOO bad, no one saw me do it but they all saw me hobble around the corner with a bloody knee so I had to tell everyone. And my boss made me fill out an accident report. It was embarrassing.

Whether or not you are aware, the name Kyla Madsen is now the name of the fictional girl on the Microboards Technology marketing material (CDs, catalogs, postcards, even a trade show booth). How do you feel having your name thrown about in the CD/DVD industry?

Well I always knew I was famous, it was just that the world didn’t know it yet. It looks like it has all come full circle. If I would have known earlier, I would have written that as the biggest thing in 2006.

Flash back to 1995. We are riding the 3A school bus to school in a blizzard. We’re already a half hour late and we’re nowhere close to school. What madness is happening on this bus?

Oh my God. I am sure David Glanzer is probably chewing through the bus seat, Ashley Hofer is having a burping contest with herself, Derrick Hofer is humping the back of David’s head as he eats through the seat and Derek Opsahl is staring out the window looking cool.

Since graduation, which classmates have you seen the most and least of?
The most is probably Dusty. (which is kinda funny considering Kathy and I were in the same sorority for awhile and Jenn lives like 2 blocks from me right now) He and I keep in fairly good contact…mostly through a random phone call to tell me Serena Lindner was a stripper. That’s the ONLY kind of contact I require. I cant get through one day without updating my excel “Who is a Stripper Now” document. The least-that is pretty hard, I havent heard much from a lot of ppl in our class. But when we do run into eachother I love to catch up and see what they are up to. I guess right now, the one that I hear the least from and wish I heard more from would be Marianne. Her and I were so close and we just grew apart but I trust she is happy and healthy.

Word on the street is that you may be going back to college someday for grad school? Can you confirm or deny these allegations?
I’m in grad school right now. I only took one class last semester because I am still working 40+ hours a week. But next semester I am taking 2….hopefully I can hack it. I should be done in 2 years. Hopefully! It’s MAIS-interdisciplinary studies. Depending on how you look at it-it is a degree in everything or a degree in nothing. But I am kind of a nerd and I love school. I would love to get my PhD someday too. I am looking at Gender Studies programs right now. We’ll see. Right now I am taking classes like adult education, Indian Studies, child developments, all kinds of stuff to just give me more insight in my current job….and after one semester I already have a 4.0! haha!

Do you remember the time me and DSU pal Mark Theisen visited you and Kathy at USD in 2001?
Yeah, that was funny and weird. You were funny…Mark was weird. Just kidding. Did I ever tell you that Mark’s little sister was the first intern at DSS when I started working? Dana? She was fun. I like her, you can stalk her on facebook if you want to. She’s my friend. I didn’t realize they were related until like the last day she was at work. It just finally clicked even though they are identical.

Are you currently suffering from any sicknesses or injuries?
Just Jeff being an ass and making me sad about being a whore. And that stuffy nose. Oh and I have had two or three bladder infections this past year….mm…hope that doesn’t include that whore thing again?!….I hope my mom reads this!

What are some funny names of pets you’ve had over the years?
Boner. I think that takes the cake.

What was the hardest you laughed in the last year?
Oh goodness, who can remember? Every time a little kid falls down I laugh till I cry. But I really got a kick out of a clip I saw of Dwight from the Office talking about “his perfect date.” And there is the one story that I always go back to about when Kaley, my mom and grandma and I were palying cards and Kaley said, “seven cards of one color? Well then I do believe I am goin for GREEN!” You really had to be there but every time I tell the story I still laugh till I cry.

Who from the Madsen children will marry first—you or Kaley?
I hope it is Kaley. I spose it just boils down to whose condom breaks first and has to make an honest woman out of someone….seriously though, why don’t you just go ahead and put my mom on some mailing list so she gets a copy of this and she can hate me forever.

If I begged and pleaded with you every few days to come up and stay for a weekend in the Twin Cities, what would your response be? Hypothetically, of course.
I have been trying to plan a trip there for a long time. I had planned to come A LOT of times this summer but it just never worked out except one time I rode up with a friend and we came back the next morning. So I totally want to come.

What music might we currently find in your car/home?
Well as I type this I have the country music countdown. I have accepted that I am a honky and I am dealing with it. I prefer old country-conway-esque. And I like Elvis Costello, but in my car, I really just listen to Jeff on his sports radio talk show.

I recently wrote “The Year Was 1991” which retold the tales of us in the third grade. What stands out most for you from that year? And do you remember the long-time sub Mrs. Stanley who took over for several months?
She was a total bitch. Wasn’t it 3rd grade when Annie and I got into trouble for trying to play poker over recess?

What time of day are you the crankiest?
Right when I get home from work.

If I wanted to get you really plastered, what beverage would you recommend I serve you?
Rum mixed with a little bit of Rum and garnished with Rum…..all of the Bacardi persuasion.

Have you done any writing with that Journalism degree? I’d love to see some examples.
Well I write all the home studies for our new foster parents and their court orders for adoptions, license renewals, etc. So I get to use it a little, but I never actually got a journalism degree. I switched to Sociology after one year. I wish I had more time to write more than “Pat and Cindy were married in 1994. There parents served as attendents…..”

Were you disappointed that I didn’t make my annual Thanksgiving visit to the Madsen house this year?

YES! Where were you? I was only around for a few days, but I was just waiting and waiting for you to show up?

Who is the most annoying person you know?
Stef…this girl I met through some friends at college. Hopefully she IS on your mailing list so that she will stop pretending that she has the right to talk to me.

Do you make it a point to drink plenty of water each day?
No I need to drink a lot more. That probably has something to do with the bladder infections I have been suffering with….and perhaps my bowels….which I don’t intend to get into with you right now.

Besides me, is there anyone from the Valleyfair days you keep in moderate contact with?
Not a one. The most contact I have with anyone from Valleyfair is my roommate’s ex bf. Ashley was my roommate in Apple Valley there, her BF Landon came to visit her there and I met him. About a year after that they broke up and Ashley moved to NC or something. But Landon and I were really pretty good friends for several years after that….and I haven’t even spoke to him for a LONG time.

What is the best show on TV in your opinion?
The Office. I pee myself in laughter every episode. Or maybe The Bachelor, nothing is better than reducing the importance of the spiritual connection of a man and woman to nothing more than a breast size contest and who can get the most camera time.

Well thanks for your time Kyla. Any closing remarks?
Now just to be sure?? All these answers are off the record, right?

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