In today’s Daily Log, I will be answering a set of questions from my co-workers at Valleyfair who want to know everything from my underwear preference to the meaning of life.  I will do my damnedest to answer everyone’s questions, because I know how important these are to you.

Sarah Relander, Game Op, 1st year, Chanhassen, MN
If you were a superhero, what would you call yourself and what would your action phrase be?

I would call myself Ryan Glanzer, because let’s face it, I would still want complete recognition for everything I was doing.  Do you think I would actually disguise my identity and then go save the world?  Not a chance.  My action phrase would be “What is this, amateur hour?”

Claire Van Grunsven, Team Lead, 3rd year, Univ. Wisconsin-Eau Claire
If you had a platypus, what would you name it?

Besides the obvious answer of Gary, I think I would name it Dorfgotch after a very wise platypus before him.

Kevin Thurk, Team Lead, 4th Year, Univ. Wisconsin-Stout
What’s Cooney’s sign?

Cooney’s sign is obviously a yield sign.  You approach him if no one else is coming.  If someone’s already there, wait your turn… oh wait, you meant… never mind.  You’d have to ask him.

Jason Anderson, Game Op, 1st Year, Nicollet, MN
If you could be any TV character, who would you be and why?

Either Vonzell Solomon or Frasier Crane… probably Frasier.  I could sample wines, live in a spacious apartment overlooking the Seattle cityscape, have a radio call-in show.

Brian Viengthong, Game Op, 1st Year, Shakopee, MN
If you found out the world was gonna end tomorrow, what would you do?

Besides stopping it from ending, I’d probably get a bunch of people together and play a game of baseball on the Metrodome field.  You can do that for like $250/hr. if the Twins are out of town.

Cloid Green, Game Op, 1st Year, Univ. Minnesota-Twin Cities
How come I’m not intelligent?

Well, Cloid, you can credit your idiocy to the massive amounts of Float Pitch water you’ve drank this summer.  There are cleaning chemicals and agents in that water that are eating away at your brain cells, not to mention I spiked the water with rubbing alcohol.  Try switching over to Top Glo water next time.

Bilal Mohommed, Game Op, 1st Year, The Congo
If you could go back in time, where and when would you go?  What do you think you’d look like?

I would go back to 1903 and see what our farm looked like.  Then I would go ahead to 1991 and make damn sure to buy tickets to the World Series.  I imagine I would look a lot like I do today, only black.

Brandon Brockway, Game Op, 2nd Year, Univ. Minnesota-Twin Cities
How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?

Oh, Brandon, your lame question highly disappoints me.  However, the answer is an interesting one.  I did some research, and found that students at Purdue University assembled a human tongue model that licked Tootsie Pops all day.  It took an average of 364 large licks to get to the center.  I would have imagined many more than that.

AJ Sheets, Game Op, 1st Year, Lake Crystal, MN
How many pickled peppers did Peter really pick?

Oh, AJ, you and Brandon slay me.  I went straight to the source and asked Peter, and he told me it was so many years ago now that he doesn’t quite recall, especially since he was doped up pretty good back then.  But he wants to say something like 12 or 13 peppers.  I would have imagined many more than that.

Mike Carlson, Warehouse, 5th Year, St. Cloud State Univ.
In the final season of Cheers, I noticed a conflict between Cliff and Norm.  Why is this?

Didn’t those two provoke arguments between other people for their own amusement in a late episode?  I don’t know, but I do have an interesting story for you.  After the series had ended, a Cheers restaurant opened somewhere and they had mechanical Norm and Cliff sitting at the bar, which the real-life actors sued over.

Hunter Hubner, Game Op, 6th Year, Army
Why are you always in the Outer?  Boxers or briefs?

To answer the first part of your question, Hunter, I figure it’s because I’ve proven to Valleyfair management that I don’t take the fine art of watching over a handful of carnival games as seriously as the other five supervisors, therefore I am delegated to the smaller–thereby less important–section of games.  If it is merely coincidental that I am never scheduled in the area, I would be very surprised.  As for underwear, Cooney recently got me hooked on these boxer briefs.

Bobby Pflugh, Team Lead, 5th Year, Winona State Univ.
Can you answer the meaning of life?

I figure if nothing existed, it would be pretty boring.  There would be nothing and nothing would happen.  So we might as well exist.  Besides, if there was no life, Danny Cooksey would have never achieved international super-stardom playing Bobby Budnik on Nickelodeon’s “Salute Your Shorts.”

Kyle Henning, Warehouse, 4th Year, North Dakota State Univ.
Why do you hate cheese?

I know Kyle is being sarcastic when he asks this, because I have had to explain the answer time and time again to tons of people.  But, to enlighten you newcomers to the site, I hate cheese, mostly because people keep acting so shocked when I tell them I don’t eat it, and then they go off for ten minutes about how much they love it, which of course only makes me hate it that much more.  Plus I just don’t care for the taste, texture, and appearance of it.

Kayla Sylvester, Team Lead, 4th Year, Winona State Univ.
Who do you think will win the World Series?

It’s a lot tougher of a question this year than in the past.  I like whoever comes out of the NL West.  They’re bound to have a losing record, making them the biggest underdogs in baseball playoff history.  The 79-83 Padres could be tough.  Seriously though, I would have to guess Cardinals over Athletics at this point.

Dan Voegele, Mechanic, 4th Year, Shakopee, MN
Who do you think will be manager after Matt?  And why does Evan Dechaine always win at poker?

That all depends on how much longer Matt will be manager.  If he’s done after one year and a new person has to take over, I would think Steph or Dan would do the honors.  If we’re talking about several years down the road, that would mean a current game op or maybe lead would take over.  I look at Jason Anderson and Cooney and I see two guys who would like to make Valleyfair a ten-year commitment.  To answer your second question, Evan wins at poker all the time because he possesses what I call “Sandbultism,” the ability to team up with people to make others lose, then either split the pot or turn on the very person who was teaming with him and take the pot.  I’m referring to DSU friend Nick Sandbulte, a master poker player.

Leah Villa, Game Op, 4th Year, Shakopee, MN
What is your favorite employee night at Valleyfair?

I really like Half Pint Park Night, where we can all finally ride the little kids’ rides.  In the past, I have always been partial to Waterpark Night.  This year I didn’t attend, but I certainly do enjoy a trip down the waterslides.

Andrew Meyer, Game Op, 1st Year, St. John’s Univ.
If you had to sleep with Toucan Sam or Cap’n Crunch, who would it be?

I doubt I would enjoy either, as I don’t like breakfast cereal… and I’m not gay… not that there’s anything wrong with that.  But if you must know, Cap’n is a man of the sea who spends many a lonely night with no one but his male shipmates.  I think you know where this is going.

Anna Giesen, Game Op, 4th Year, St. Cloud State Univ.
If you had your own army of lawn gnomes, what would you have them do?

I’d love it if they’d take over World Buffet in Apple Valley so I could eat there for free from now on.  I would also like them to just wreak unnecessary havoc in general.  What fun it would be to see a gnome urinating on someone’s doorstep, or a gnome slashing the mayor’s tires.

Matt Heitkamp, Arcade Team Lead, 2nd Year, Montevideo, Uruguay
How long have you had your site?

Well, Matt, this specific site has been in full swing since October 2004.  However, it simply replaced my previous site (students.dsu.edu/glanzerr) which had been going strong since September 2001.  And that site replaced my Yahoo GeoCities site that had been going since 1999.  So, my collection of sites is about six years in the making.

Tara Fisher, Game Op, 1st Year, Arlington, MN
If you could name all of your toes, what would you name them?

The right toes would all be named names that I actually like.  Trenton, Vaughn, Mason, Vance, and Will.  Four left toes would be named after shameful Twins of the past–Denny Hocking, Scott Stahoviak, Jeff Reboulet, and Scott Klingenbeck.  The last one would be named Stubby McStubbs.

Thanks a lot to everyone who contributed their questions!