Who Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?

I added a couple Simpsons songs to my van kids’ playlist and Johnny has absolutely eaten it up. Sunday alone we listened/sang along to Kwik-E-Mart a dozen times in the car and more times in the house. Johnny has no idea this is a song from The Simpsons and just likes the song for what it is.

But at bedtime it was the funniest. He requested I sing the Kwik-E-Mart song again and I did. Afterwards, Johnny–likely stalling the inevitable bedtime–had many questions about the Kwik-E-Mart that needed answering. Here’s a basic rundown of our conversation.

J: “Daddy, what the Kwik-E-Mart?”

Me: “It’s a store from a TV show.”

J: “Oh. What store?”

Me: “It’s a fictional convenience store on The Simpsons. Apu works there.”

J: “Apu works there?”

Me: “Well, yes. But in that episode he was fired from the Kwik-E-Mart for selling spoiled meat to Homer. That’s why he sang “Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart.” To put it in the past and move on.”

J: “He got on fire?”

Me: “No, no, no… he didn’t start on fire, he got fired. That means to lose your job. Apu lost his job at the Kwik-E-Mart because he did something bad.”

J: “Apu bad?”

Me: “Yes, Apu sold spoiled meat to Homer and he got salmonella poisoning. Homer enlisted the help of the news team to expose Apu and wore a giant cowboy hat with a video camera into the Kwik-E-Mart and they caught him selling an old dirty hot dog with a band-aid on it. So he got fired.”

J: “He–he–he–he get on fire?”

Me: “Well, no, no. Again, this is a different kind of fire. Like he got fired from his job. It is just an expression to say that someone lost their job.”

J: “What he do?”

Me: “Well, in the episode, Homer and Apu have to travel to India to see this all-knowing Kwik-E-Mart guy and they’re allowed to ask him three questions, and Apu plans to ask for his job back, but Homer uses up all three questions on something dumb. So Apu couldn’t get his job back.”

J: “At Kwik-E-Mart?”

Me: “Yep, at Kwik-E-Mart. But Apu eventually did get his job back when he saved James Woods’ life by diving in front of a bullet at the counter during an armed robbery.”

J: “The Count work there?”

Me: “Huh? The Count?”

J: “The Count work there?”

Me: “No. James Woods the actor took over for Apu to study for a film role as a convenience store clerk. He really wanted to get into the role. But then Apu saved James Woods’ life and got his job back.”

J: “At the Kwik-E-Mart?”

Me: “Yes, at the Kwik-E-Mart.”

J: “Oh. Okay.”

And then he laid his head on my shoulder and started to try to go to sleep as we sang “Hush, little baby, don’t say a word, daddy’s gonna buy you a mockingbird”. Except Johnny sprung his head up and interrupted and said “no, no, no… Hush little Johnny, daddy gonna buy you a Kwik-E-Mart” and laid his head back down to hear the Kwik-E-Mart version.