Jason LaPlant interview
Jason as Santa, Christmas '11

Over the years on RyanGlanzer.com, I conducted many interviews with dear friend Jason LaPlant, but we haven’t heard much from him lately. I can’t even write about his hijinks anymore. Luckily, I was able to land an exclusive one-time interview with Jason this week. Needless to say, Jason is a very busy man with amazingly interesting stories. Let’s see what this rapscallion is up to these days.

1. Hello Jason, how are you today?
JL: pretty good just ate some pizza and talked to a amazon worker via the telephone
2. Last time you were interviewed on the website was 2008.  What is the biggest change that has occurred in your life since then?
JL: not a god damn thing i keep things pretty uninteresting and that is the way i like it
3. When I saw you in December you were growing an amazing beard.  How long do you plan to let it go?
JL: whole foods does not care what i do with my facial hair and i intend to continue working there so it will probably get amishly long
4. Have you been playing any racquet sports with Nick Sandbulte lately?  If not, why not?
JL: fuck no because fuck no
5. You seem to have moved on from seeing movies in the theater and now are focused on all that Netflix has to offer.  What are some hidden gems you’ve run across on Netflix?
JL: yah there is so much old stuff and new stuff on netflix that i don’t go to the theater as much i keep the que consistently around 400 items adding a couple things a day i like managing the que it gives me an enormous sense of self purpose, the cruise is the first movie i would seek out as a hidden gem
6. Have you been eating healthier or seen your overall health improve since starting work at Whole Foods?
JL: nope i still like to get 2 packs of hot dogs every month just ask jeff
7. Are you up to date on Breaking Bad?  Is it the best show on TV right now?
JL: i am up to date and it s for sure my favorite drama right now and i think community is the best comedy
8. What do you think is the #1 thing the Twin Cities needs most?
JL: some sort of hands across america benefit where instead of holding hands everybody in the twin cities gives each other enemas, that should get some attention
9. What is your opinion on this mild winter?
JL: it is fine with me i feel bad for the people who like to snow mobile
10. Does Jeff get on your nerves having lived together for almost all of your lives?
JL: rarely i am positive i am harder to live with than he is and i love the bastard
11. When will you and Jeff get a pet?  I would like to see you two bicker over the responsibilities of a dog.
JL: i have zero interest in maintaining any living thing i don’t even want a plant potted or otherwise
12. What is the last new article of clothing you have bought?
JL: i guess socks i do not do a lot of clothes shopping
13. What is your favorite all-time specific movie or TV scene involving someone driving badly or dangerously?
JL: that is a good question that movie drive was fantastic i always get panicky watching people drive poorly on screen and sometimes it turns into really bad wet dreams
14. Do you think the world will end in December 2012 as the Mayan calendar predicts?
JL:  i hope so that would really make things neat
15.What do you think about Dr. Knowlton leaving DSU to take a job in the Minnesota collegiate system?
JL: we are going to be together i know it and he knows it
16. Would you ever go back to work at Valleyfair for a day or two?
JL: i would love to that place will always be dear to me
17. What is one unusual object within your current reach?
JL:  game cube
18. What is the biggest gust of wind you have ever encountered?
JL:  1988 auburn parade 5pm on a tuesday august 7th if memory serves
19. Finish this sentence: Patrick and Terry were out caroling the other day when ____________.
JL:  dad realized patrick is a terrible singer and patrick realizes my dad won’t be holding his hand crossing streets.
20. Are you currently holding a grudge against anyone?
JL:  yep immigrants
21. What is your crowning achievement in golf?
JL: i have had some very nice putts, i like a good putt
22. If you could be a character from the old Rudolph Christmas special for a week, who would it be?
JL:  never seen it but i will say jesus
23. What do you think of Tim Tebow?
JL:  i like him and it seems like i should not
24. What are you going to do the rest of the day?
JL:  read a book watch a movie and sleep also something kinky
25. Well thanks for your time today Jason. Any closing remarks?
JL: when you slide into first and you hear a nasty floosh diarea? is that how that song goes and how do you spell diahrea i wonder how much i am getting back on my taxes i wonder if stephen king has met steve martin and i wonder if i will ever get around to watching star trek the tv show and i bet i never write a will