It’s a very special edition of the Daily Log, since today marks the historic 150th log written!
Rather than my usual jostling and mumbling about mundane day-to-day events, I have gone to great lengths to bring you my Ten Golden Rules of Life.  These are words to live by, at least for me.  This is how I’ve gotten to where I am today–uh, Madison.

Ten Words of Advice to Pass On

1. When in need of advice, turn to Travis Bolton.
I have found that nobody tells me things straight-up like Travis Bolton. If I am in need of real advice without that damned beating around the bush, I turn to Travis. On many occasions, I have found that people tell me what I want to hear. Travis preaches the truth. Whether it’s advice on girls, drinking, music, or personal hygiene, Teebs knows the answer, and can still let me know in a respectful manner.

2. Never speak in class.
If you’ve ever had a class with me, you know that I refuse to speak up. I’ll gladly speak if spoken to, but when a question is asked of the class, regardless as to whether or not I know the answer, I do not talk. Why? Because as soon as you do, the professors know they can count on you to be their full-time question-answerer. I went there before, and it was a bad move. They prefer to not call on people who are quiet.  Now I can sit in class on my tablet PC and mess around and not have to worry about being called on, unless of course my current professors read this and attempt to stab back.

3. Make a mental note of all funny things said.
I may be considered funny be some people, but not everything I say is original material. If something I say gets a favorable response, I have to remember it and use it again immediately on the next group of people until everyone has heard it. It’s how I maintain my edge.  Do you know how many times I’ve used that stupid line “You might say that… or in your case, you did.” I have received overwhelming response to that line dozens of times, therefore it stays in the rotation until everyone is burned out on it.

4. Sports superstitions are to be used at all times.
If the Twins win, it’s not because of Shannon Stewart’s clutch hit, it’s because of the socks I’m wearing, or the time of day I woke up, or the fact that I changed the channel during commercials. Believe it or not, my own superstitions are solely responsible for the outcome of every sporting event I have any interest in. It’s crazy, really.  If you want a team to win, don’t disregard your own actions.

5. E-mail must be checked every time it crosses my mind.
Every time I even so much as think of checking my e-mail, I must do so immediately or I won’t be able to focus on anything else. DSU has turned us all into drones with our constantly-readily-available internet access. I can’t turn away.

6. Become friends with all professors/bosses.
It’s good to stop by the professors’ offices for the sole reason of chatting. If not for me and Dr. Droge’s friendship, would my D in Zoology have become a B? Would I get away with half the crap I put in that DSU newspaper if not for me and Laflin being on good terms? Even President Knowlton and I have had our many chats in passing. I’m telling you, it’s a lot easier to make it through when these guys know you outside of class.

7. Never stop watching Seinfeld reruns.
I claim to have watched every episode of Seinfeld a minimum of ten times. Some I know I’ve seen twenty or more times. Okay, there are a handful of episodes I’ve seen only six or so times. Regardless, they are still a large reason why I even crawl out of bed in the morning. They get me through that rough 5:00 boredom spell.  Watching Seinfeld puts me in a good mood.  I wouldn’t be the lovable, jovial, increasingly-fatter man that I am today if not for hours spent in front of Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer.

8. Cherry 7-Up and Mr. Boston Blackberry Brandy.
A drink I concocted myself, Cherry 7-Up and Mr. Boston’s blackberry brandy combine to make one tasty drink. Masculine enough for a Patrick Lynch, yet feminine enough for a Nick Sandbulte. I’ve been known to mix these on many occasions, and things always end up better than when I started. Just ask Amanda Geditz, Josh Schuh, or Jason LaPlant.  Hardly ever vomit-inducing!

9. Nothing beats a road trip.
The absolute best times of my life have oddly enough been spent on the road. Whether it was the family trip to Tennessee in 1997, the Brandon Hanson trip to Tucson to make a run at Gloria, or the great Las Vegas week of 2004, they’re all extremely memorable. I would never remember what I was doing today twenty years from now. But if I had been in Baltimore today, I’d certainly remember that.

10. Carry Several Credit Cards
Some may say it’s a bad idea, but in all reality, I have no clue how I would have survived without my Discover and MasterCards.  Maybe time will prove me terribly wrong, but I always felt like I’d be able to pay them off after college.  Okay, odds are this is bad advice.  Chris Ahrendt would be rolling over in his grave right now if he were dead and reading this.

And a bonus tip: Glade’s Snow Mountain air freshener spray is the best smell ever.  For those trips to the bathroom that go awry, those swimming trunks that are molding in the corner after sitting there for four weeks, and the inevitable cat pee, nothing works better.

Well there you have it.  You’re set for life.

Ryan