I recently felt that something was missing in my life, though I seemed to have it all—a wonderful fiance, a decent job, a second decent job, relatively good health. But there was this void. Something was missing. And then on Sunday morning I discovered the answer to my problems.
Ladies and gentlemen, I am now an ordained minister.
So is Roscoe, actually.
We decided to become ordained ministers at the Universal Life Church in Modesto, California because we can. With the completion of one simple online form, I achieved the same status that some, like my manager Aaron, had to work tirelessly for years to reach. I am now legally able to perform baptisms, wedding ceremonies, and funerals. Well, I will be legal as soon as I take my certificate down and register with the county or state. So, if anyone’s looking for a cheap officiant, I’m your guy!
Poor Cubs Fans…
In other news, the Cubs were knocked out of the playoffs Saturday after a horrific showing against the Dodgers, making it an even 100 years since their last title. I think it’s tough being a Twins fan with the team being good—but not great—for most of the past decade, losing its share of heartbreakers late in the season.
But these poor Cubs fans get their hopes up every year thinking “this is the year!” and then, like always, lose in demoralizing fashion. I thought last year that Arizona was the better team and didn’t expect the Cubs to win. But this year, the Dodgers came in as the inferior team and made the Cubs look pitiful.
I am not a Cubs fan, so it doesn’t bother me, but Lauren is and I feel her pain. (In fact, I realized this year that I hate every other team except the Twins and, for some reason, the Marlins and Diamondbacks.) But I can’t imagine what it would be like to be a lifelong Cubs fan in my 90s having experienced no success. That’s like me living to be 90 and going through 64 more losing seasons for the Twins.
For more info on the Cubs’ demoralizing season, check out Lauren’s article over on babeslovebaseball.com!
Ryan Glanzer Blog 
I have one tiny little concern about you as an ordained minister. Don’t you have to at least know something about God or perhaps attend a church service every now and then? I hate to burst your bubble, but I doubt you’ll get many requests to officiate at religious ceremonies. Of course, that’s just one person’s opinion…BUT I AM YOUR MOTHER AND IF YOUR OWN MOTHER DOESN’T THINK YOU ARE CUT OUT TO BE A MINISTER, YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT!!!
I didn’t mean to insinuate that you could never be a minister. I just don’t think you’re quite ready yet. Maybe start slowly…go to a church service or two before you decide.