With the final game of our Minneapolis co-ed softball season coming up on Tuesday night, one can’t help but wonder “what if…” What if we would have scored a couple runs here or there, or made a catch here or there? Our 4-6 record could have been 6-4. What if… What if we had baseball’s all-time home run king playing left field for us?

Better late than never.

Wednesday night, I called Jeff Borris at Beverly Hills Sports Agency and proposed a contract to out-of-work Barry Bonds. I didn’t leave him with any details other than this was a “serious offer.” Friday afternoon, Borris replied. He said if I could have a cashier’s check for $10,000 on his desk by Monday evening, Barry Bonds would most likely accept the offer and play for our team. When I told Borris we probably couldn’t afford Bonds’ salary, he said we could have some guy named Nate Heisman for $200. I said “I don’t know who that is.” Borris replied with “Well, Mr. Glanzer, I don’t know who you are either” and that was that.

Not wanting to miss such an opportunity, I contacted Star-Tribune sports writers and editors, hoping they might pick up on the story and get me the funding necessary to put the greatest living baseball player in a Captain Safety Planet uniform. No word back just yet. I’ll keep you posted.