Patrick & Jason Visit Lives Up to Hype
The AmericInn housekeepers were the only ones happy to see Patrick Lynch and Jason LaPlant leave Madison for what could possibly have been their last ever stop in town.  Since I met the two at Valleyfair in 2002, we’ve had too many ridiculous good times, and this weekend was no exception.  Friday, the two arrived and checked into the AmericInn, where I had reserved the Family Whirlpool Suite at the employee rate.  Joining us for supper at the Cocktail that night were the current boys of 912 N Egan: Nick, Matt Hanson, and Scott Headrick.  That night pretty much involved a lot of drinking and playing the bowling game Silverstrike before retiring to the hotel and the in-room jacuzzi.  Saturday, I slept till 3, then met back up with the Minnesota duo at the hotel where they were already hard at work on an 18-pack of Budweiser Select.  After a dip in the actual hot tub, we headed back up to the Cocktail where it was–you guessed it–karaoke night!  With Derrick Geiszler, Brandon Nase, and Katie Eye’s help, we did plenty of songs, but none was better than Jason’s solo rendition of Jay-Z’s “99 Problems.”  With profanities and racial slurs being rapped by Jason to the crowd of forty or so, we were all in hysterics.  “Time Warp,” “What Would You Do,” and “Afternoon Delight” highlighted several of our other dozen-or-so selections.  Sunday morning, the two checked out of the hotel and headed back to Minneapolis bright and early.  As Jason climbed into the driver’s seat of his car, he flashed Patrick a disturbing grimace and warned him the ride home might not be pretty as he had bad gas.  Patrick informed Jason that he, too, was a bit gassy.  They were on their way.

Additional Big in 2005 Awards
Since I unveiled the Big in 2005 Awards so early this year, I may have missed a few awards.  The honor for outstanding hospitality must go to Liz Burke, when she invited the five of us into her Detroit home as we passed through on spring break.  Liz of course helped her case by volunteering for a year in the inner city, working for the homeless.  The award for top landlord goes to Rick Mueller.  At one time Rick was just like me, living a couple doors down on fourth floor Richardson.  But now I answer to him, as he owns the house I live in, albeit for just a couple more weeks.  The award for top musician goes to Travis Bolton.  Travis has had plenty of success with his folk trio, unlike my fictional folk trio Wagon Train which presents in SAD Tuesday.  The award for outstanding Trojan Times staff member goes to… uh… news editor Matt Paulson, the only section editor who routinely turned material in on time, if at all.  Boy, what a waste of time the newspaper was this semester.  People here really are lazy (myself included) when it comes to reporting.  If writing a story involved leaving your computer, it’s not worth reporting.  I know Danielle Rosheim did her part with the sports reporting, but as for actual campus news, we didn’t report on any.  For top facial hair, the award goes to Jeff LaPlant for his outstanding moustache this summer, although a late push by Patrick Lynch nearly out-did Jeff.  And it wasn’t just the moustache itself.  It was the fact that Valleyfair says you can’t work while growing it out.  You have to start out with a full moustache to begin with.  Somehow Jeff managed to avoid a serious threat by a manager to shave.

Top Ten List | Today’s Topic: Bad Odds
Here are ten things you should never bet on and the odds of it happening.1. Granny leaving the state of South Dakota again in her lifetime: 1:12,000,000
2. FOX not canceling its most promising show each year: 1:500,000
3. Brandon Hanson admitting to not being a wine connoisseur: 1:300,000
4. Dad and Christopher Lowell enjoying a cup of tea: 1:250,000
5. Nick Sandbulte watching a Vikings game without screaming profanities: 1:100,000
6. Cooney and Mr. Yankee exchanging Christmas presents: 1:66,667
7. Me wearing a Derek Jeter jersey in public: 1:50,000
8. Travis Bolton giving bad advice: 1:33,333
9. Kansas City Royals winning 2006 World Series: 1:15,000
10. Jason LaPlant giving up drinking for New Year’s resolution and sticking to it: 1:5,000

Well that’s all for Monday.

Ryan