100 Random Memories from Four-Plus Years at DSU
11-18: Freshman Year
Yes, here are some more thrilling stories from that first year at DSU.  Will I actually be able to think of 100?  I’m beginning to have my doubts!

11. Brandon Breaks the Law: It was Easter break 2002, and Brandon Hanson had a job in Madison that prevented him from going home to Vienna, so he stuck around the dorms. One of the nights, Brandon and some others from the floor, including Geiszler, Ross Tschetter, and Ryan Knerl, apparently went around town on a mini-crime spree, stealing unimportant road signs, flags, and lawn ornaments. They could have gotten off scot-free, except Brandon wasn’t too sneaky about hiding the items he stole. He carried them up to fourth floor in broad daylight one afternoon, and when Vicki, the dorm janitor, saw him, Brandon told her “You didn’t see anything!” As if that wasn’t bad enough, he stole the McDonald’s flag and hung it facing outward in our dorm room window for all to see. One night as I sat in our room watching baseball, two cops paid me a visit. They told me they were there for Brandon, and had a few questions for me as well. I told them what I knew about his criminal ways, and may have even pointed out a few things the cops didn’t know were stolen. The cops stayed around for a half hour or so and even tuned into the Twins game with me before Brandon finally arrived. When Brandon did arrive, he thought the cops were there because of a speeding ticket he had received moments earlier. The room was searched by the cops and the RA of the dorms, and a liquor bottle and bb-gun were also found, which were supposed to be huge fines from DSU. After a tough call to his parents, Brandon learned the hard way that crime doesn’t pay. The next day he suddenly became very studious and hasn’t committed a serious crime since that I’m aware of.

12. Professor Henjum Dies: Within the first few months of college, Chris Ahrendt and I were cast in the annual Freshman Showcase, which, at the time, was a series of short plays directed by different professors. Chris, Heidi Swearingen, and I were in “Arabian Nights,” directed by Bill Henjum, a very good guy and good director. Unfortunately, a few weeks later, he was killed when he drove drunk on the wrong side of the interstate. Who else but Chris and I would be asked to speak at his memorial service at DSU? We were new to the college and only knew him through that play, but we apparently were the best speakers from anyone at the entire college. We both managed to get a few laughs from the crowd, which is always a good sign at an event such as that. It was a very strange moment, especially so early on in our college careers.

13. I Break the Law: Brandon wasn’t the only criminal from freshman year. I was caught speeding one night on my drive back to Madison from Brookings after watching Willow Lake play a district basketball game. Mark Theisen was along for some reason, and we were passing through Colman, the worst speed trap known to man. The speed limit remains at 35 even a half mile out of town with nothing but fields on either side of the road. I could see the 45mph sign coming, so I started to speed up. Suddenly, we hear sirens. I pulled over, and sure enough, I was being ticketed for going 41 in a 35. I had pulled over ten feet in front of the 45 sign, that’s how close it was. But, as Chris Ahrendt, Josh Bosch, and everyone else before me, I of course was ticketed. Mark thought it was the coolest thing ever to get pulled over. He was laughing it up the whole time. 

14. My Fifteen Minutes: The Minnesota Twins were targeted for contraction after the 2001 season, and I was not about to let the team die that easily. I replied to an article in the Star Tribune asking fans to tell their great Twins memories. Apparently I made quite the impression on the Trib, cause the next thing I know, I’m getting a phone call asking for an interview for a front-page article on Minneapolis’s biggest newspaper. Okay, fine, that was cool. I got some front-page exposure. Next, I got a call from WCCO radio, Minneapolis’s premier radio station and the flagship station of the Twins. They asked me to sit down as the guest on their morning show to talk Twins baseball and tell my crazy stories. I did so, and was rewarded with two free tickets to the 2002 opening day game. Just when I thought my fun with the media had run out, I got a call from Tom Glanzer (no relation) from KSFY-TV in Sioux Falls, asking to follow me up to the Twins game and do a story on me. I agreed, and was interviewed at the Twins game telling my ridiculous stories, some of which weren’t even true. (Driving forty miles in a blizzard to meet Ron Coomer, calling commissioner Bud Selig at his house and telling him to not contract the Twins, etc.) I was hoping SportsCenter would come calling next, but the last I ever heard of that story was a blurb that appeared in the Washington Post.

15. Kevin “Canada Dan” Forshey: There were certainly lots of characters on our fourth floor that year. There was Nalo Cabuyaban, Sheldon Rahn, Josh Bosch, Mike Herman, and of course, Kevin Forshey. Kevin was an interesting guy. One day he’s decide to be a rock star. The next week he was Gothic. The next week he was a vegan. The next week he wanted to kill everyone. You never knew what you might say that would piss him off. Kevin came along with a bunch of us as we rode on a charter bus to a Vikings/Bears game in November 2001 through DSU. On the way, Kevin managed to offend everyone on the bus with his outrageous vegan comments, which sounded something like “all beef producers should be shot.” Of course, when you say that to a bunch of country-raised folk, you’re not going to be very popular. He even did an entire speech for class on how horrible everyone who eats meat is. Kevin couldn’t just be one of those vegans who did it for himself. He had to make sure everyone else saw things the same way as him. Besides that, he is the worst driver I’ve ever ridden with. I went with him to Sioux Falls for some reason one day, and he was all over the road. I thought for sure we were dead when he passed a semi on the interstate. We couldn’t have been more than six inches from grazing the side of it the entire time. Kevin left us after that first year and apparently went to New Zealand and got married.

16. Math Turnaround: My math skills in high school were pretty sad. I was the best at simple math, but once you started throwing in x, y, and whatever else, I was lost. And I didn’t even try to do the homework because there was an assignment of 30 problems every day. That would take minimum two hours to do everything. Then when I got to college, I had to take Intermediate Algebra first. With Rich Avery as the professor, things seemed quite simple and I wound up with my one and only A+ in my college career, finishing above 100%. Then in College Algebra with Glenn Berman, I wrecked the curve again with my math skills, earning the highest grade in the class. I don’t know what was the reason for my drastic rise. Maybe it was the professors. Maybe it was the smaller homework assignments. Maybe it was the fact that I was a freshman in college and was freaking out that I had to study more.

17. Sickest I’ve Ever Been: On that same bus trip to the Vikings game mentioned above, I experienced the most painful sickness of my life. On the bus ride there, I got a little car sick. In the Metrodome with the noise levels, the migraine started. It was that bus ride home on that cold November night that goes down as the single worst night ever. My head was pounding. I had to throw up constantly. I just went back in that tiny bus bathroom and sat there for a half hour until someone made me leave. I tried going back to my seat and sleeping, but people were playing cards and being stupid and it only made things worse. The first hour seemed like five hours. I was just in hell. We stopped in Mankato for food, and I sat down on the ground by the grocery store in the freezing cold and the snow, which felt a little better. I did not want to get back on that bus no matter what. I seriously would have stayed in Mankato outside, but the chaperones made me get back on the bus. Thankfully, I somehow fell asleep a while later and when I woke up, we were back home.

18. Erin Brockovich: Short story, but true. After watching the movie Erin Brockovich, I began to wonder if the law firm mentioned on the movie was true, so I looked it up online. Sure enough, Masry and Vititoe was real, and Erin really worked there. So, I called them. I asked the receptionist for Erin, and she connected me, no questions asked. When the real-life Erin Brockovich answered, I made small talk for about fifteen seconds before the call ended. She was very polite. No one believed me.

Stat of the Week
New York Jets quarterbacks in 2005: 3 TD passes in 207 pass attempts
Chargers running back Ladainian Tomlinson in 2005: 3 TD passes in 3 pass attempts

Madison Drivers Suck
I experienced not one, but two nearly-disastrous car wrecks on Halloween in Madison. In the morning, I was driving back home when I noticed some construction going on near our house. One lane was blocked off while a crew worked, but it was on the other side and wouldn’t be a problem for me. However, I didn’t count on the idiot driving the Eastern Dakota Transit bus to be such a dumbass. As I approached this road block, the bus swerved into my lane right in front of me, whipped around the road block, and whipped back in its right lane. I had to slam on the brakes and swerve to my right to miss hitting it. I laid on my horn, but he was long gone. The second incident could have been much uglier. I was riding with Amanda and we were leaving her apartment. She backed out of her driveway and into the alley, when we noticed a Geo in the alley. It was beginning to come backwards towards us. Suddenly, the idiot driver floored it, kicking up gravel, as he drove in reverse like a bat out of hell directly at us. I knew we were going to get hit. At the last possible second, he turned the wheel and flew into the driveway, narrowly missing hitting us. Amanda rolled down her window and screamed at the idiot, who turned out to be a Spanish-speaking guy who didn’t understand a word she said. He just looked at us and walked in his house. So I totally stick by my logic that Madison drivers are ten times worse than Minneapolis drivers. People are so stupid in this town! They think it’s a small town and there’s no one on the roads but themselves and they can drive like idiots. Where are the cops when they do crap like that?

Recent Movies
On Halloween, Amanda and I saw “The Skelton Key” at the cheap theater in Sioux Falls.  We were less than impressed, especially with the ending.  Brandon Hanson warned me it wasn’t that good, but we didn’t listen to him.  Earlier that day, I saw the 1984 classic “Gremlins.”  I hadn’t seen that in a coon’s age, as Travis Bolton would say.  Actually, it had been much longer than that.  It was quite enjoyable at first, but once the gremlins turn into those monsters, it just gets weird.  Still, a good watch.

Top Ten List | Today’s Topic: Most Interesting Friends
Today, I will determine the ten most interesting lives of my friends.  Some people just have their daily routines and no big news.  But then there are some who always have a new scheme or ridiculous story.

1. Luke Katuin
2. Patrick Lynch
3. Jason LaPlant
4. Liz Burke
5. Derrick Geiszler
6. Kayla Laursen
7. Travis Bolton
8. Mike Burke
9. Brandon Hanson
10. Josh Schuh

Baby on the Way
No, not for me, thankfully.  20-year old sister Jordan is expected to give birth to a girl November 11, bringing my niece count to two.  No word on a name as of yet, but I am still holding out for Calvin’s suggestion of Cadillac.

Big in 2005 Awards Ceremony
You soon will be able to listen to the Big in 2005 Awards here on the site.  Wednesday afternoon was spent in the TCB recording studio with Feeney, Jake, and Craig, as we announced winners and threw in commentary.  I’ll spend a few days editing the file, adding music and applause for dramatic effect.  It will be downloadable in an mp3 file next week, hopefully.

Well that’s all for Thursday.  I am in SysAnal after all.  Better pretend to pay attention rather than blatantly not paying attention.

Ryan